Matthew Shepard -- First Letters

Letter to Net Mail, Detroit News, 10-14-1998 [subject line: 'Matthew Shepard']:

I would like to see those on all sides of the debate over "hate crimes" just back off and take a long pause.

In respect for Matthew's family and friends, let's all cease the rhetoric. When some time has passed, then we can take up the issue again in a more sober, balanced frame of mind.

I know what bereavement is; I was parted from my good mother and father in 1991 and 1993, respectively. Although their passings were due to natural causes, the adjustment for their surviving children was just as real as in any other case. How much more difficult it must be for parents who lose a child, because this is outside the natural order of things -- and how very much worse it is when the loss occurs because of a senseless, needless, savage act.

I would say to those pushing for stronger hate-crime laws: All violent crime is motivated by hate -- by a devaluing of and disregard for the rights and humanity of the victim. The answer is not more laws but tougher enforcement of those laws already on the books. And I would say to the Baptist group from Kansas that is rumored to be planning an appearance outside the church on the day of Matthew's funeral (I can't believe that a Christian group would employ such poor timing): Back off and have respect for the surviving family and friends.

I, too, oppose the gay lifestyle and recognize the Biblical basis for such opposition. But the best way to deal with it is not to get in others' faces; rather, let's live our own lives from the Biblical basis, rebuke the errors of sodomy, incest, adultery, and so on, when they cross our doorsteps, and let our own lives and actions be an example. Goodness has a way of rubbing off. Trying to beat others over the head, just like pushing for hate-crime laws, serves mainly to stir up more hatred and division.

I didn't know anything about this young man until the heinous incident in Wyoming became known. While he was still alive, I wished I could have hugged the kid and told him to hold on. I guess these are my parental feelings being evoked. Alas, I have faith that Matthew is in a better situation and a better life now. I think that the best way we can honor his memory is by doing better work in our own lives. Restraining the unkind impulses of human nature isn't easy sometimes; but I believe that we must work at this if we're to attain a better life here and hereafter.

Time Magazine Cover for October 26, 1998. Source: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/archive/0,9368,1998,00.html. Copyright © 1998 by Time Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission. While I was staying in Honesdale, Pennsylvania, on Monday, October 19, 1998, during the trip back home, I picked up the latest issues of Time, Newsweek, and U. S. News & World Report magazines. It was now three days after Matt's funeral.

In late afternoon, I spent considerable time going over the articles and editorials about Matt during the dinner hour. I had with me a spiral-bound three-subject notebook, in which I intended to write more of my thoughts on the subject.

Although the main ideas I wanted to jot down had already begun to take shape in my mind, it wasn't until the next day that I actually had the time to put pen to paper and really begin thinking through these ideas in slow motion. By that time, I was in the town of Port Allegany, Pennsylvania, in the western half of the state.

Between October 20 and October 22, I wrote in the notebook seven short drafts of my thoughts. I have reproduced them below. Some drafts ran only one paragraph before I abandoned them and started over. Again, these early writings show a little of where I was in my thinking on the subject at this point.

Particularly in the four attempts I made on October 21, you may see some of the pain and struggle I encountered in dealing with the subject matter — besides the pain and struggle of composition and revision, common to writers. In those four drafts, I have indicated deletions in blue font, lined through. Additions and corrections are in red, and some of them are also struck through and further revised.

These compositions are primitive and by no means fleshed out to the point I would have liked or to the point where I could have sent them to newspaper editors. Nevertheless, they point the direction that my efforts would take in the months ahead.

Port Allegany, Pennsylvania — Tuesday, October 20, 1998:

[Draft 1:] In respect for Matt Shepard, his family, and his friends, let's cease the rhetoric.

I am deeply grieved by the death of this young man -- someone I never met and whose lifestyle I do not share. But I deplore the self-righteousness of the fire-and-brimstone crowd. According to the Bible, there is an element of mercy in God's justice; and I find comfort in the words of Jesus [John 12:32]: "[And] I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." That should settle the question.

Ravenna, Ohio — Wednesday, October 21, 1998:

[Draft 2:] As a conservative Christian, I am disgusted with the self-righteous zealots and their fire-and-brimstone preaching. Couldn't they at least have had enough respect for young Matt Shepard and his family to stay away from the funeral?

[Draft 3:] I am reject fed up with the noisy, self-important, self-righteous antics behavior of the zealots who made an appearance at young Matt Shepard's funeral.

[Draft 4:] I am fed up with the behavior of the zealots who made an appearance at young Matt Shepard's funeral extremist fringe that gives the rest of us a bad name.

[Draft 5:] As a conservative Christian, I denounce the behavior of the religious zealots who picketed outside Matt's Shepard's funeral. This is a glaring example of how an the extremist fringe that gives the rest of us a bad name.

Out of respect for young Matt, his family, and his friends, it's time for all parties in the gay-rights debate to cease the rhetoric on both sides of the debate over gay issues. What we have to say
The thing we want to find out What matters is not who is right, but what is right what we think, but what God has to say on the subject.

I am deeply grieved over by the death of young Matt. Although I never knew him, I feel as shocked and bereft as I would if he had been my own boy.

I have found comfort in the words of Jesus (John [12]:32 [my handwritten note indicates Chapter 10, which is incorrect -- I was working from memory]): "[And] I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." According to the Bible, it is God's will for all to be saved -- not just a select few.

Waterloo, Indiana — Thursday, October 22, 1998:

[Draft 6:] I am deeply grieved by the death of young Matt Shepard.

Out of respect for Matt, his family, and his friends, let's all cease the rhetoric -- whichever side of the debate over gay rights we may take.

The self-righteous zealotry of the picketers near Matt's funeral is most regrettable. As a conservative Christian, I denounce their actions as un-Christian and their rhetoric as un-Scriptural. I suggest that they read the entire Bible for themselves, rather than parrot the clichés of a few firebrand radio pastors.

I am finding comfort and assurance in the words of Jesus (John 12:32): "[And] I, if I be lifted up from the earth will draw all men unto me."

[Draft 7:] I am deeply grieved by the death of young Matt Shepard.

Out of respect for Matt, his family, and his friends, let all parties in the gay-rights debate cease the rhetoric and bow before Almighty God. The important thing is not what we have to say on the subject but, rather, what He has to say.

As a conservative Christian, I denounce the behavior of the zealots who picketed near Matt's funeral. Their rhetoric and behavior are un-Christian and have no Scriptural warrant.

I am finding solace in Jesus' words (John 12:32): "[And] I, if I be lifted up from the earth will draw all men unto me."

The following is a letter to the editor that I sent to the Traverse City [Michigan] Record-Eagle. It appeared, without alteration, in the November 6, 1998, edition. Although I don't consider it anywhere near my best work, it shows, once again, where I was in my thinking at that time. We can do only so much revising before submitting letters; otherwise, we may risk wringing the emotional juice out of them. One of my friends gave me the following advice during this period: "Put the emotion in; don't take it out."

Printed in the Traverse City Record-Eagle, Friday, November 6, 1998:

[Subject line supplied by editors: "God loves every child"] Matt Shepard's untimely death in Wyoming this fall has left me, like millions of Americans, deeply grieved. Even though I didn't know Matt, I have shed tears for him. I feel like a daddy who has lost his own son.

Like a lot of guys in our community, I am a straight, conservative Christian who has a heart. I can no longer sit on the sidelines but, rather, feel a deep need to join hands with those actively calling for a halt to the division, hatred, and violence that have become such a blight on our cities and our free nation. We also need to make diligent efforts to stop the family and community breakdowns that help foster these ills.

Furthermore, it is urgent that mainstream conservatives stand firmly and visibly against the misguided actions of religious fanatics, such as those who picketed Matt's funeral.

Out of respect for Matt and his family and friends, may all parties in the debate over gay rights cease the hard rhetoric. What really matters is not what we have to say but, rather, what God has to say. According to the Bible, He loves every child of His; the divine justice includes mercy and redemption; and His will is for all of us to be saved -- not just a select few.

Two days after Matt's funeral, in the darkness of grief, I began to find solace and hope when I re-read the promise of Jesus in John 12:32: "I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." To my sense, the word "all" settles the question. I have to believe that Matt is in the arms of the Lord; that, ultimately, we're all coming home to Him; and that we will meet again in His own time.

Cover of Time Magazine for October 26, 1998, copyright © 1998 by Time Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission of the copyright holder is prohibited.